Weigh in. Daily. Twice a day if you can. Nothing is better proof of your progress than the 0.2 lb fluctuation between the beginning and end of your workout. Make sure to leave the scale turned on so that the batteries run out and need to be changed. The gym staff likes to feel needed!
Choose the type of exercises you will perform. Good options for cardio are the treadmill, stationary bicycle and elliptical machine. Stay the hell away from the Stairmaster though; that's just dangerous. Set a comfortable pace; you should never go fast enough so as to impede your ability to read a magazine. Then there's strength training. You can use free weights or machines, or a combination of both. Be sure to ignore any instructions on the machine, particularly if they are illustrated. Just go with what feels right.
Set yourself up for success. There is nothing worse than getting to a point in your workout where the equipment you need is unavailable. To avoid this, gather everything you can imagine needing when you start. At minimum, you should claim:
- an exercise ball
- a yoga mat
- at least four sets of dumbbells, in various weights
- a minimum of two barbells
- an adjustable bench
- at least 36 square feet of surrounding floor space
When you are finished with an exercise, don't spoil the fun for the next person. Leave the treadmill on an incline. Leave your weights on the floor. Do not wipe down your machine. If there are removable parts, relocate them. This builds character for fellow gym users.
Once you are good with the basics, try circuit training at rush hour! This is a popular concept now, thanks to "The New Rules of Lifting" and "The New Rules of Lifting for Women." Instead of doing several consecutive sets of the same exercise and then moving on to a new one, you perform one set, move on to the next exercise, perform one set, move on, etc., then return to the beginning and proceed with another round of single sets. To accomplish this, it is perfectly acceptable to take up six different machines and glare at anyone who comes within an ten foot radius. You may notice intense stares from fellow gym patrons. Do not worry, they are simply filled with awe and admiration at your efficiency. To be especially effective, you should figure out the busiest time at your gym. In my experience, it is usually between 4:30 pm and 6:30 pm on weekdays, right after people get out of work. Then you can demonstrate your awesome circuit training skills to the largest potential audience.
Even if you are not circuit training, be certain to mark your territory at the gym. This is an important part of the social environment at the gym and lets other people know how serious you are about working out. You can mark your territory most effectively by bringing multiple props with you. The more the merrier! Leave a bottle of water on the calf press machine; spread your towel and notebook out across a nearby bench; tuck your wallet or iPod in a visually obvious place near any convenient machine that you are not using.
One important exception: never leave your cell phone around! This indispensable workout aid should always be at hand. Between sets, you have a bit of downtime. Some people take a minute or a minute and a half to catch their breath. Frankly, if you need to catch your breath, you are working too hard. The inter-set "rest period" is a great time to check Facebook, browse eBay, or play a game of Tetris. You can also catch up on a conversation via text message, or Tweet about your awesome new workout gear. Note: actual verbal conversations should be saved for the treadmill. It is important that as many people as possible can hear you talk. Make sure to give yourself plenty of rest! Don't worry about anyone else needing the machine. They will understand.
If you follow these simple guidelines, you will not only reap the benefits of daily exercise, but you will gain respect from others around you! What are your workout secrets?
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